When I was 18, I got depressed and for more than 10 years I never really got better. For more than 10 years almost every day was a battle with myself. In the morning, I would wake up and lay in bed fearing the day. During the day, I would walk around carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. There were no days, weekends, parties, holidays, vacations that I truly enjoyed and I can’t remember one single moment when I was utterly happy, relaxed and carefree. Luckily, I have no experience with addictions, self-harm or eating disorders which are very common, but I do have experience with bad choices, fake friendships and desperate attempts to be accepted and loved. I guess I was very sensitive, extremely insecure and scared of failure and loneliness. Of being rejected. Of being not enough.
When I hit rock bottom, I decided to get help because deep inside I knew that life was more than that. Since then, I have made tremendous progress, practicing self-love, becoming more self-aware and just the happy, grateful and positive person that I have always wanted to be. Do you know that 121 million people in the world currently suffer from some sort of depression? Unfortunately, very few people talk about it, but I will. Knowing that hundreds of millions of people are in a dark and lonely place where I once was, makes me want to share my story on how I battled depression almost completely by myself and hopefully help someone.
Although I haven’t been depressed for a few years now, just like everybody, I have my cloudy days when I feel unmotivated, when I don’t love myself enough and when I forget to count my blessings. A while ago I read an interesting saying: “If you’re not happy where you are, move. You’re not a tree.” Well, sometimes life gets in the way and we all feel like a tree. On a scale of emotions, hopelessness would be the lowest and most negative one. It is also an emotion I am very familiar with so I have a lot of tips on how to deal with it that I want to share with you today. If you practice some of them regularly or preferably every day, not only when you’re feeling down, very soon you will start feeling better and those cloudy days will become shorter and rarer.
Water is unbelievably healing. It helps clear your thoughts and wash off unwanted emotions. I always take a bath when I’m feeling down, I put on some music, light candles and just enjoy peace and quiet for half an hour.
I don’t need to tell you that physical activity lifts up your mood and makes you feel good about yourself. You don’t have to run a marathon. A simple walk in the park or playing with your kids outside will make you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Fresh air and nature do wonders for our souls and the worst thing you can do is sit on the couch. When you’re feeling the worst, just put on those shoes and get outside. I promise, you will feel so much better!
This is so important and I’m happy that more and more people are aware of it. You can pray, meditate, listen to classical music or just stare through the window, but spending 10 minutes a day alone in silence can literally change your life. You will feel more relaxed, focused, your thoughts will be clearer and more positive, and you will even sleep better. But don’t wait for rainy days. Start practicing mindfulness today and make time for it. I meditate and pray every day, no matter how tired or busy I am. I just can’t imagine my day without it and I think this was the crucial element in battling depression.
- NOURISH YOUR BODY AND SOUL
Although a lot of people reach for “comfort food” like ice-cream, Nutella or a burger when they are feeling down, I don’t really think sugary and greasy food made anybody feel better. Only more depressed, fatter and sicker. That’s why it’s very important to watch our diet and make sure to eat healthy, nutritious food like fruit salads, fresh vegetables and soups. It will help you feel and look better, healthier and energised.
Get off social media for a day or two, because it can only make you more depressed or anxious. Spend time reading, jogging or working around the house instead. If you have a garden, even better! I love reading or watching inspirational videos or listening to podcasts. I have just started “The 5 AM Miracle with Jeff Sanders” and I’m really liking it so far. I’ve noticed that stress relieving colouring books are very popular right now so I think I’ll get one of those too.
When I’m feeling down, I prefer being alone or with people who lift me up. Try to avoid people who are negative or drain your energy. Spending time with kids, for example, is always a good idea. I love to take my daughter to the park, breathe fresh air and watch her admire trees, rocks, flowers and birds – everything we take for granted too often. She reminds me to always be grateful and to stop and smell the roses
So you’re having a bad day. You’ve stayed in bed all day, you didn’t go to work, you fed your kids pizza and you haven’t even showered. You may have even smoked that just-in-case cigarette you were keeping in the kitchen drawer since New Year’s when you stopped smoking. So what? It’s just a bad day and it happens to everybody. It’s not the end of the world. Tomorrow will be better. You will be better, know better and do better.
Sit down, take a piece of paper and write down what kind of person you want to be, what you need to do and what habits you need to form in order to become that person. For example, if you want to learn a new language, find language schools near you or a private teacher. Make a schedule and decide how much time a week you are ready to dedicate to learning it. If you want to lose weight, print out a healthy meal plan and go grocery shopping. Make a fitness plan or start by introducing small, healthy habits, like walking to work or taking stairs. The most important thing is to set small goals for every week. Think about where you will be in a year, but go step by step. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, because you will only feel worse if you fail. And write everything down. When I see my goals written on a piece of paper, I take them more seriously and motivate myself more easily.
Bisous,
Fée
Kad sam imala 18 godina, pala sam u depresiju i vise od 10 godina nisam iz nje izasla. Vise od 10 godina svakog sam dana vodila borbu sama sa sobom. Ujutro bih se probudila i bojala se ustati iz kreveta strepeci od onoga sto mi donosi dan. Danju bih hodala s ogromnim teretom na ledjima, imala sam osjecaj kao da nosim probleme cijelog svijeta na ramenima. Nije bilo dana, vikenda, zabave, blagdana ili odmora u kojima sam uzivala. Zapravo, ne sjecam se nijednog trenutka u kojem sam bila istinski sretna, opustena i bezbrizna. Srecom, nikada nisam imala problema s ovisnoscu, samoozljedjivanjem i poremecajima prehrane koji su vrlo cesti kod depresivnih osoba. Medjutim, imala sam problema s losim odlukama, laznim prijateljstvima i ocajnim nastojanjima da budem voljena i prihvacena. Vjerojatno sam bila previse osjetljiva i nesigurna te sam se bojala neuspjeha i usamljenosti. Napustanja i odbijanja. Osjecaja manje vrijednosti.
Kad sam dotaknula dno, odlucila sam potraziti pomoc, jer nesto mi je govorilo da zivot nije zamisljen kao tuzno, mracno i hladno mjesto, nego kao slavlje, igra i blagostanje. Otad sam mnogo napredovala, pocela voljeti sebe, postala svjesnija, sretnija, zahvalnija i pozitivnija osoba kakva sam oduvijek htjela biti. Znate li da u ovom trenutku oko 120 milijuna ljudi pati od nekog oblika depresije? Nazalost, malo njih govori o tome, ali ja hocu. Spoznaja da stotine milijuna osoba cuci u mraku, kao sto sam ja nekad, ne dopusta mi da mirno sjedim i nista ne poduzimam. Kroz seriju postova ispricat cu svoju pricu i objasniti kako sam potpuno sama pobijedila depresiju, te na taj nacin, nadam se, pomoci nekima koji mozda misle da nema izlaza.
Iako je depresija daleko iza mene, kao i svi drugih ljudi, i ja imam lose dane kad se osjecam nemotiviranom, kad zaboravim voljeti sebe i zahvaljivati na svim blagoslovima. Nedavno sam procitala zgodan citat: “Ako nisi zadovoljan gdje se trenutno nalazis, pokreni se! Nisi stablo!” Iako zvuci vrlo jednostavno, znam da se ponekad svi osjecamo poput stabla. Ukopano i bespomocno. Kad bismo emocije poslagali po nekoj skali, bespomocnost bi kao najnegativnija emocija bila na samom dnu. Meni je jako poznata, jer sam se previse puta osjecala poput stabla, poput nijemog, bespomocnog promatraca, nedovoljno jakog da se pomakne s mjesta. Danas cu s vama podijeliti metode koje svakodnevno prakticiram i zahvaljujuci kojima su dani kad se osjecam kao stablo vrlo rijetki i kratki. Svakako vam savjetujem da ih prakticirate svaki dan, ne samo za losih dana, i obecajem vam, osjecat cete se puno bolje.
Voda ima nevjerojatnu moc. Ispire negativne emocije i prociscava misli. Kad se ne osjecam najbolje, napravim si toplu kupku, pustim glazbu, zapalim svijece i pola sata uzivam u miru.
Vjerojatno svatko od nas zna da fizicka aktivnost povoljno utjece na raspolozenje i samopouzdanje. I za to se ne trebamo satima znojiti u teretani ili trcati maraton. Kratka setnja u parku ili igra s djecom na zraku bit ce dovoljna da se osjecamo bolje. Svjezi zrak i priroda doista cine cuda i najgore sto mozete uciniti za svoje zdravlje i raspolozenje je sjediti pred TV-om. Kad se osjecate najgore, obujte cipele i izadjite: dan ce vam odmah biti puno bolji.
Ovaj je dio nevjerojatno vazan i sretna sam sto sve vise ljudi to razumije. Nije bitno hocete li moliti, meditirati, slusati Mozarta ili jednostavno buljiti kroz prozor, ali 10 minuta na dan provedenih u tisini i samoci promijenit ce vam zivot. Bit cete opusteniji, usredotoceniji, misli ce vam biti jasnije i pozitivnije, a i spavat cete bolje. Ali nemojte cekati lose dane. Vec danas nadjite 10 minuta i provedite ih u tisini koncentrirajuci se na disanje i otpustajuci misli. Ja svaki dan meditiram i molim, neovisno o tome koliko sam zauzeta ili umorna. Ne mogu zamisliti dan bez toga i sigurna sam da je to bio najvazniji element u mojoj borbi protiv depresije.
Na kraju loseg i stresnog dana, ljudi vecinom posezu za slatkom i masnom hranom poput sladoleda, Nutelle i hamburgera misleci da ce se tako opustiti i osjecati bolje. A na kraju se osjecaju jos gore, bolesnije i deblje. Prehrana je nevjerojatno vazna i zato je svakako preporucljivo jesti zdravu hranu poput vocnih salata, svjezeg povrca i toplih juha. Osjecat cete se i izgledati bolje i zdravije te biti puni energije.
Na dan, dva zaboravite na vijesti i drustvene mreze. Zbog njih cete se osjecati samo jos gore. Umjesto toga citajte, trcite ili radite nesto po kuci. Ako imate vrt, jos bolje! Ja volim citati ili gledati inspirativne videe ili slusati podcaste. Bas sam pocela slusati “The 5 AM Miracle with Jeff Sanders” i doista mi se svidja. Znam da su trenutno popularne bojanke za odrasle koje djeluju relaksirajuce i oslobadjajuce i mislim da cu ih svakako nabaviti.
Kad se osjecam lose, najvise volim biti sama ili s ljudima koji me pune pozitivnom energijom. Izbjegavajte negativne ljude koji se stalno na nesto zale i pritom vam crpe energiju. Djeca su izvrsno drustvo. Ja obozavam ici u park sa svojom kceri, boraviti na svjezem zraku i promatrati je kako se svemu divi: drvecu, kamenju, cvijecu i pticama. Ponekad je promatram kako jede, kako prinosi hranu ustima, polako zvace, potpuno uronjena u trenutak, dozivljaj, okus i miris. Djeca nas podsjecaju da budem zahvalni na svemu sto nas okruzuje i uzivamo u trenutku.
Pa dobro, imate los dan. Cijeli ste dan u krevetu, niste otisli na posao, nije vam se dalo kuhati pa ste djeci narucili pizzu. Pa sto? Niste se ni otusirali, ali ste popusili onu cigaretu koju ste od Nove godine, kad ste prestali pusiti, cuvali u ladici za svaki slucaj. Da i? To je samo jedan los dan koji koji se svima dogadja. Sutra ce biti bolje. Vi cete se osjecati bolje, bit cete pametniji i bolji nego danas.
Sjednite za stol, uzmite komad papira i razmislite kakva osoba zelite biti te sto morate uciniti da biste to postali. Na primjer, ako zelite nauciti novi strani jezik, nadjite skole stranih jezika i privatne ucitelje u svojoj blizini. Odlucite koliko ste vremena tjedno spremni posvetiti ucenju jezika i napravite raspored. Ili recimo da zelite smrsaviti. Sastavite plan prehrane i nabavite zdrave namirnice. Napravite plan treninga ili pak od danas pocnite uvoditi male promjene koje ce puno znaciti, poput pjesacenja na posao ili izbjegavanja lifta. Odredite male ciljeve po tjednima. Imajte u mislima gdje cete biti za godinu dana, ali idite korak po korak. Nemojte si stvarati veliki pritisak, jer time povecavate mogucnost za neuspjeh. I obavezno sve zapisujte. Kod mene to uvijek pali, jer kad vidim ciljeve na papiru, shvacam ih ozbiljnije i lakse se posvecujem ostvarenju istih.
Bisous,
Fée
